Romans 10

One of my callings, well, my main calling is to share what God has, is and will do in my life whether it has been a painful process or happy. I rejoice in all of it! I grow stronger in Spirit and closer to my God. My faith grows. I want those with ears to hear what God has done in this meager young woman's life. I want anyone with ears to hear to be encouraged not by the circumstances in my life but how I have reacted and where I have turned when circumstances have come up. It is my desire to let it be seen that none of us are alone. We all go through storms and there are many types of storms and levels of severity. Some are tropical. Some are freezing. Some are calm with silence. Some are heavy and pounding. Emotions come along with those storms...fear, excitement, coldness, anger and so on. Some are light like a misty rain while others are heavy and overwhelming while the hail pounds on my body creating dents in my armor. (Ephesians 6:10-18) Shelter must be found quickly before I am trapped in the storm of my sins on the ground. I run to the one shelter I can count on completely. That is in the shadow of my Lord. (Psalm 91)

My most recent storm has been the most brutal inwardly. I saw the dark clouds coming. It's not as if the Lord did not warn me to begin to prepare. I ignored it. I was in denial. I didn't want to face my sin of not being a good steward of God's money. Bottom line. I have never been good with money. And when I can't pay bills I ignore them and pretend they don't exist. This time there was no hiding. It was time for me to face the storm I myself had created and repent and repenting did not mean just saying it or walking away from that sin. It meant also becoming an active part in rectifying it and rejoicing in the consequences. Using it to grow stronger. I am in the middle of this storm now, but I am sheltered. I have a student loan and it is coming out of my pay check. At first I freaked out. Broke down at work. Got angry. Blamed my ex husband. In suffering the consequences God is also asking me to quietly sit back and be OK with any injustices where my ex husband is concerned. Just as Jesus never said anything. I must step back and let God deal with him and work out my personal salvation and do as God shows me.

He's promised me He won't leave me hanging. He is right there by my side through all of this. As a good, disciplinary Father, He is also not fixing the situation for me. There is a huge mountain, or should I say I perceived it as huge, standing in front of me. God is quite capable of moving that mountain and has told me so but has chosen not to. Instead, He is showing me how to climb it so that I may grow stronger in my faith. So that I may be ready for His callings on my life in music and writing. I have seen what He wants me to do...bits and pieces of it. It is going to be big. But first I must grow hind's feet. I must be purified. (Habakkuk 3:19, Zechariah 13:9, Malachi 3:2-3). And I must trust Him! When He shows me what or asks me to do something. Do it. No matter how silly it may seem. I can't understand His ways. His thinking is way above any thinking I could ever imagine! Thank God! He really is so amazingly awesome! I love Him so much! (Ecclesiastes 11:5, Isaiah 55:8-9) I'm actually very excited about suffering the consequences of my bad choices because I am being purified and cleaned. Pressed so I may better glorify my God who is so great and mighty! It is liberating and I feel like a forest after a rain...all shiny and clean and new!

It is not going to be easy. I have had to get a second job. I am in a position where I slip through the cracks of the systems. I make too much for help, but not enough to make it. It is God's way of making sure I really learn this lesson. He has something huge for me planned and I have to be ready! I'm so excited. It is worth all the work I will be going through. So for at least a year, I will be a floral designer by day and a server by night with the occasional music event in between. This must be done for me to be free and to teach me how to be a good steward of God's money! I am so grateful to Him.

It has also been a time God has used me to show one of my friends one of her callings. She has a heart for single moms. And she, of all the friends I have, Christian and non Christian that have really been there for me. There are so many who have not even asked me if I am OK. That hurt at first, but I accept it. God was wanting me to turn to Him so I was not placed on their hearts. I am just glad that I can be used to reveal others spiritual gifts. She is a girl who didn't believe she had any and she has many. God has forced me to really knock down that wall of pride I hold up so tall. I must remember that pride can be the root of so many evils. I have chosen to humble myself and allow myself to be helped and loved on by those who truly want to. They are blessed in so many ways for doing so! I thank my amazing God for them and their love and obedience.

This has yet again been a ramble but this is where I am at. I was reading in Zechariah 4. I am an active part in the rebuilding God's temple, me. I am so grateful I get to be an active participant and not sit on the sideline! My, my God is so amazing!! He overwhelms me with His love!

your sister in Christ,

Jennifir Huston

God bless all who read this!

lean on Him

I wrote this one originally June 19

Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who trust in you.

I have felt abandoned adn discarded and rejected by so many lately and in the past. But it does not matter. it is you, Lord, your love, Father, that I search for. If everyone abandons me for one reason or another, I know you will never leave me or discard me. You promise in psalm 9 and Romans 8:38-39 and many places in your word that you will always be there. One thing I know is I have not felt abandoned by you. I have sought you and grown closer to you.

It has been a tough road for me the past few weeks, eye opening in many ways. I have been forced to really look into the mirror. When I thought I was doing right, I was actually doing wrong although my heart was trying to be in the right place. Sometimes my vision gets cloudy. Because of this, so many have walked away from me, leaving me standing alone with the shattered remnants of what was hanging from my hands and tears of loneliness, regret, and remorse pouring from my eyes.

For a while, I could not move. I just stood there, locked in my own depression, feelng sorry for myself and hurting for those I hurt. I felt lost. I had been moving so much the sudden slam against the wall of angry, unforgiving hearts and silence knocked me senseless. I shed tears of mourning for what I thought was. Then as I dug in your word, my Father, I began to cry tears of freedom and realization that what I thought was, never really was.

I had been living in a dream world. It was time for us to go our separate ways. Our paths had forked into new and different directions. I had seen it coming, but had held on so tight. My life has been a lonely one for some time. It was time for me to walk alone, slow down, and be fed. To take teh time to lean on you, God. To hear your voice. To move to the next step in your plan for my life of which I am not sure of, but I step in faith. I trust you. (Jeremiah 29:11) I know you have an awesome path laid our for me. You guide my every step. You, my Father, lead me. (Psalme 5:8, Psalm 37:23-24, Proverbs 3:5-6) You never let go of me, even when I try to let go of you. I trust in you. I am choosig to give you all that I am, heart, soul, mind, body...all of me!

This is a time I must walk alone on this earty, yet i am never alone. You are there, my Father, every step of the way. I must learn to lean fully on you. I must realize that there are times that there will be no one but you to turn to. This is one of those times. My path is in the desert at this point in my life. As a very social person, I admit, the first few days, couple of weeks, were the most difficult. I cried so much and felt so lost and unwanted that I did not know what to do with myself except cry and open my Bible. Slowly, but surely you have and continue to heal my wounded, lonely heart.

You brought me to a point where I stopped seeking a husband this past winter and this past spring you brought me to a point where I was forced to stop leaning so heavily on other people and to lean only on you. When the time is right and you feel i am ready I know you will restore new and old friendships, but with a much more spiritually, healthy Jennifir. A Jennifir that has grown with you, my Father in heaven. This is a painful, yet necessary part of my growth. It is part of the molding process of who you have and are creating me to be in you, my Lord.

I thank you and rejoice in all parts of my growth, easy and not so easy. I know the fruit that will be produced from the growing pains of this one little tree will be an amazing testimony for you, Jesus! A beautiful testimony of what you have done, and are doing, and will do in my meager life. You use my weaknesses to do so many things.

I love my God so much! I could shout it from the mountain tops here in Haywood County! i humble myself to my God and give all I am to Him! I want my God to use me as He will to draw all the children He loves so dearly and show them that it does not matter what they have done or where they have been. God wants us just as we are. He cleans us up...we just have to let Him in and trust Him!

(Romans 12:1-2) I choose to be a living sacrifice for my God! I know what Jesus saved me from, I had a memorial to remind me on a daily basis tattooed o my ankle so that I may never forget! I am not going back to the person I once was! God is in me now, it is his strength that propels me forward.

I grow stronger with each passing day!

My God is an amazing God and He can and will do anything if only we will believe!!

The ramblings and revelations of one sister in Christ Jesus, my Lord and savior!

Jennifir:)

Can't Sleep

This is actually a blog i posted on facebook June 1. I haven't been able to get onto my FFJ account until today.

John 3:14

"And as Moses lifted up the bronze snake on a pole in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up,"

I wake up at three am. I can't sleep. I am restless. My heart aches a little because I have unintentionally hurt people I care about. I didn't mean to really. I made a very human mistake and listened to people and my own voice and not to God's. I have been bitten by the sin of loose tongues...my own for one. I have asked them and God for forgiveness. I ask again those friends of mine to forgive me. I ask to forgive myself and I do. God forgives me. I looked up to Jesus on the cross. It is because He has been risen up in the wilderness to die for my sins, all of them, that I am forgiven. I am so grateful for this. My brain tries hard to wrap around this concept. Thank you Jesus for coming here for my sins. Who am I? No one, but I am everything united with you! (Ephesians 2:4-6) Thank you for covering me with your blood, having God see me through your eyes.

This walk is a learning process. It is not easy. It feels treacherous at times, but that is only because I stumble and make it so from my own human error and for lack of a better term, stupidity. It is hard sometimes to see whose intentions are good and whose are not. I shouldn't be seeking that out anyway, I should be seeking out God's intentions. Opening my spiritual ears and eyes and hearing what God has to say not what anyone else has to say or even what I have to say. I've been listening to fireflight a lot lately and there is a song that comes to mind called Recovery Begins. I need to stop and listen...stop talking. I truly love my friends. They mean so much to me. I ask God send you amazing blessings and peace in your hearts. I want my friends happy and to grow closer to Jesus with every breath they take.

My life has not been easy. In some areas lately it has been kind of rough. I'm learning how to have a relationship with my daughter. It has been a difficult revelation to realize my weakness where she is concerned. She is my heart. My baby and I don't always know how to relate to her. It is hard for me to admit because we have always been so close.

God is doing a lot of sifting and refining in my life right now. It leaves me a little muddled at times and unclear. He is really working on some of the nastier parts of my heart. A spring cleaning of sorts. He is showing me things I have had tucked away in nooks and crannies of my heart I did not know existed. He is healing me from the inside out and it is not always pretty. Watching even the smallest things that come from my mouth is one of those things coming out. There are things I have thought harmless that I have said have not been so harmless. I am sorry to anyone I may have hurt in such a way. I have asked God to help and guide me with this. I love you all so much.

I take this lesson with a heavy heart and it seems with less friends. It hurts but it says in Proverbs 18:19 and Proverbs 18:21 this would happen. The sifting in this lesson has settled and I see the consequences. I see what I must do. Be careful of every word that comes from my mouth. Focus on Jesus! Focus on His plans for me. I trust Him with all my heart. He knows I stumble. (Psalm 37:23-24). He forgives me. it is only my heart I can change and as I gaze up at Jesus my heart will change and be healed and grow closer to Him!

Psalm 147:2 He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.