Romans 10

One of my callings, well, my main calling is to share what God has, is and will do in my life whether it has been a painful process or happy. I rejoice in all of it! I grow stronger in Spirit and closer to my God. My faith grows. I want those with ears to hear what God has done in this meager young woman's life. I want anyone with ears to hear to be encouraged not by the circumstances in my life but how I have reacted and where I have turned when circumstances have come up. It is my desire to let it be seen that none of us are alone. We all go through storms and there are many types of storms and levels of severity. Some are tropical. Some are freezing. Some are calm with silence. Some are heavy and pounding. Emotions come along with those storms...fear, excitement, coldness, anger and so on. Some are light like a misty rain while others are heavy and overwhelming while the hail pounds on my body creating dents in my armor. (Ephesians 6:10-18) Shelter must be found quickly before I am trapped in the storm of my sins on the ground. I run to the one shelter I can count on completely. That is in the shadow of my Lord. (Psalm 91)

My most recent storm has been the most brutal inwardly. I saw the dark clouds coming. It's not as if the Lord did not warn me to begin to prepare. I ignored it. I was in denial. I didn't want to face my sin of not being a good steward of God's money. Bottom line. I have never been good with money. And when I can't pay bills I ignore them and pretend they don't exist. This time there was no hiding. It was time for me to face the storm I myself had created and repent and repenting did not mean just saying it or walking away from that sin. It meant also becoming an active part in rectifying it and rejoicing in the consequences. Using it to grow stronger. I am in the middle of this storm now, but I am sheltered. I have a student loan and it is coming out of my pay check. At first I freaked out. Broke down at work. Got angry. Blamed my ex husband. In suffering the consequences God is also asking me to quietly sit back and be OK with any injustices where my ex husband is concerned. Just as Jesus never said anything. I must step back and let God deal with him and work out my personal salvation and do as God shows me.

He's promised me He won't leave me hanging. He is right there by my side through all of this. As a good, disciplinary Father, He is also not fixing the situation for me. There is a huge mountain, or should I say I perceived it as huge, standing in front of me. God is quite capable of moving that mountain and has told me so but has chosen not to. Instead, He is showing me how to climb it so that I may grow stronger in my faith. So that I may be ready for His callings on my life in music and writing. I have seen what He wants me to do...bits and pieces of it. It is going to be big. But first I must grow hind's feet. I must be purified. (Habakkuk 3:19, Zechariah 13:9, Malachi 3:2-3). And I must trust Him! When He shows me what or asks me to do something. Do it. No matter how silly it may seem. I can't understand His ways. His thinking is way above any thinking I could ever imagine! Thank God! He really is so amazingly awesome! I love Him so much! (Ecclesiastes 11:5, Isaiah 55:8-9) I'm actually very excited about suffering the consequences of my bad choices because I am being purified and cleaned. Pressed so I may better glorify my God who is so great and mighty! It is liberating and I feel like a forest after a rain...all shiny and clean and new!

It is not going to be easy. I have had to get a second job. I am in a position where I slip through the cracks of the systems. I make too much for help, but not enough to make it. It is God's way of making sure I really learn this lesson. He has something huge for me planned and I have to be ready! I'm so excited. It is worth all the work I will be going through. So for at least a year, I will be a floral designer by day and a server by night with the occasional music event in between. This must be done for me to be free and to teach me how to be a good steward of God's money! I am so grateful to Him.

It has also been a time God has used me to show one of my friends one of her callings. She has a heart for single moms. And she, of all the friends I have, Christian and non Christian that have really been there for me. There are so many who have not even asked me if I am OK. That hurt at first, but I accept it. God was wanting me to turn to Him so I was not placed on their hearts. I am just glad that I can be used to reveal others spiritual gifts. She is a girl who didn't believe she had any and she has many. God has forced me to really knock down that wall of pride I hold up so tall. I must remember that pride can be the root of so many evils. I have chosen to humble myself and allow myself to be helped and loved on by those who truly want to. They are blessed in so many ways for doing so! I thank my amazing God for them and their love and obedience.

This has yet again been a ramble but this is where I am at. I was reading in Zechariah 4. I am an active part in the rebuilding God's temple, me. I am so grateful I get to be an active participant and not sit on the sideline! My, my God is so amazing!! He overwhelms me with His love!

your sister in Christ,

Jennifir Huston

God bless all who read this!