Transformation

Romans 12:1-2

¹Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual^a]">[a] act of worship. ²Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.


The morning was misty. Beautiful. It had rained off and on throughout the night. As I stood outside the cabin by myself and gazed down the hill through the trees, I felt clean. I felt new. Transformed. An old, layer had been removed from me, old skin as from a snake so I can see once again. Snakes are blinded by their old skin. It makes them mean. Not that I was mean per say as my old skin became encumber some, but I didn't realize I was blinded by the person I once was until I stood outside and could see and smell again. I felt brand new. I am still having a hard time grasping the fact that I am not that person I was two years ago while I still walked among the dead. Before God pulled me from the pit of despair that had become my life. (Psalm 40:2) I was such a mess. I may have appeared as if I had it all together, but my skin was so rough, so calloused. My eyes so blinded, my heart so hard that I didn't care anymore. I didn't even know Jesus yet, but it was in the decision to ask Jesus into my heart that the skin of who I was at the time would begin to shed. A painful process. In order for me to become the person God intended me to be, He had to shed the person I was. I had to let Him do it. I fought Him tooth and nail. If I had only not been so stubborn and obeyed and let Him clean me up and remove that skin, maybe I would have found peace sooner.

God knew I would be stubborn. God also knew I would be passionate about Him. God knew when I fell in love with Him, that I would give all that I am to Him. Even as I was not willing, and still am not willing to turn over ALL parts of me to Him, I am. I had to give Him permission to pry those things out of my hands. Use whatever tool He had to prune those branches from me. And there were times, I balled so hard I thought I had no tears left. There were times, I bled and bled. There were times I handed it over to Him no problem. Transformation is a process. No one said it would be a painless process. In fact, I am grateful it is painful at times. It was during those times I learned to lean on God, and God only. They were times that I had to trust Him completely. Wait on Him. Just obey, and believe me, obedience is not always easy. God has asked me to do some things I fought Him on, but when I finally relented, I realized how much better off I was. He does not want to hurt me. He wants to help me. He wants to grow me closer to Him. There are yucky branches, pieces of old skin, old me, old sins, old desires, old ideas that must be shed because they block the way to Him. I ask God to remove those obstacles. And believe me, some of those obstacles are so tempting. Are so pretty. Yet, I realize they shine so much that I am blinded and cannot see Jesus. Jesus is my ultimate goal! I want Jesus!

And it is in the fulfillment of this desire that Jesus has mended this broken heart. He is the ultimate physician. He has made me whole again. So much has happened over the past two years. God completely knocked down the house of who I was. He placed me in a place that I could not call my own for a few months. Even my cats were pruned from me, but they were a part of the old skin. He brought me to a point of bare ground. That was a lonely place for me. I didn't know who I was. I didn't understand. I couldn't see anything. I had to wait. I had to let God take care of everything. I had to trust Him. (Psalm 40:1, Psalm 37:7a, Psalm 46:10) I have to admit, waiting is the hardest part. At least during the the tearing down process I was somewhat involved, even if it were just crying.

And then God began the building process. He set the first stone, Jesus, firmly in place. When I began to really have faith and trust in His plan for me. When I began to really walk so closely to Jesus that all I could see were the back of His feet and trust where His steps took me. And slowly, I felt my confidence begin to build as each block has been added. I am still in the building process in this phase of my growth. Then God performed some miracles. He provided for me so that Rose and I may have a home of our own once again. I walk around our new home, the home God placed us in and realize this home belongs to the new me. The woman God has transformed me into.

I realized as I stood outside that cabin Saturday morning at the women's retreat that not only had I shed my new skin, but I had no clue where it was. Sometime during this part of my journey, I turned away from it, let it go and let God discard it. I prayed thanksgiving and love to my God!

One of the best revelations I received that morning was that I actually really like the person God has transformed me into. And the best part is, He will continue to transform me so as I get to know me, His daughter, the more I am loving me. I have to love me in order to love others. To have a peace deep in my heart. I want to please my Father! I want Him to be proud of His little girl!

Transformation is a beautiful process. A painful process. A birthing process. A fresh, new skin that shines with the love of Jesus. His love seeps from every pore of the new me, the me He has created! I love Jesus so much for all He has done in my life. I want Him to use me.

I know this has been a ramble, but i guess that is what a blog is all about. This is my heart. I love you all.

God bless you and know that Jesus loves you so very much!!

Your sister in Christ,
Jennifr Huston:)