Ice

The day was warm. The sun was shining. The lake was still a frozen sheet of ice telling the story of just a couple of weeks before. Just before Christmas a snowstorm hit us and this particular Tuesday was one of the first days we had above freezing since. I have to admit it traumatized me a bit. As Rose and I walked around the lake, taking in the fresh air I couldn’t help but notice how barren parts of the lake was. Places where ducks usually hung out were void of all activity. I did notice in the few sunny, thawed areas, is where masses of ducks were. Like little refuges.

Another thing I noticed and it has taken me a couple of weeks since to have it really sink in, was how there were sticks, logs, even a tricycle lying on top of the ice. Even during a cold storm, the muck is sifted to the top. Even in a cold heart, the nastiness can be cleaned out. It’s a messy process, a cold process, a lonely process. Barren in some places. In many places the ice reflects as if in a mirror. Little did I realize that it was my cold heart that would be sifted. Little did I realize that my heart was so cold. But the good news is, it can and will be thawed. But first all the muck must be shifted to the top. This was not a processing of just grapes but pineapples, peaches, and apples. Large seeds and seeds on the outside. This cleaning, skimming from the surface process would be one of the hardest I have endured so far. This time, I really had to look at myself and with others around. At the expense of those I love. I know I am not condemned and I have apologized, but again I apologize. I am so sorry for being so selfish. I know it was uncalled for and in fact very cold. With that coldness I was able to see a part of myself that needs work. Actually, a few parts of my self. I looked in the mirror of my cold heart so that I can ask God to help me clean all that debris away. So, I may thaw. So, I may see what God sees not what I think the world sees. Not what I see. I want God’s eyes, not mine. Mine are selfish. Mine see me as unworthy in every way. God’s eyes see me as His little princess!

My eyes make me a victim when in fact I am not. When I play the victim, I play right into the devils hand. My witness is ruined. I love Jesus so much and the enemy knows this. Jesus has helped me so much. I am so grateful he has opened my eyes so I may see what needs to be changed in me. So that He may change me from the inside out. As I am filled with His love and as He takes my heart into his loving, warm hands I am thawed. Part of the thawing process is a little painful. I think of playing in the snow and my hands and feet getting so cold that they tingle with the pain of thawing. Sometimes, my hands and feet and heart are colder than others. This was a time that was very, very cold. I had no idea my heart could be so cold. I was shown differently as I looked myself in the mirror of the eyes of those I love. I tell you that is the hardest mirror to look in, because it is the clearest, cleanest mirror of all. But it was necessary for me to see. Necessary for my growth. I pray I did not ruin my relationships. I do love them all so much.

As my heart thaws, I cling ever stronger to Jesus, my savior, my fortress, my strength. I know he has something amazing planned for me and I need to keep my eyes focused on Him. On the path He has chosen for ME. Not for what He has chosen for others. I know what evil demon reared its ugly head that day. Jealousy. Bottom line. I have been walking around for a long time in so many aspects of my life with the bitterness of jealousy hanging out as an unwanted guest in a heart that belongs to Jesus. And it is not just jealousy where those I love is concerned. But jealousy of most people around me. I keep looking at what they have, not what I have. I am so very blessed and it is time I rebuke jealousy in the name of Jesus! It is time to look at all that Jesus has given me.

Grace for starters! Now, I must extend grace to myself and forgive myself!

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Here are some verses that I heard or came to mind that have really uplifted me.

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1 Corinthians 13:12-13 Now we see things as imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love.

Romans 8:1 For now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.

Isaiah 44:22 I have swept away your sins like a cloud. I have scattered your offenses like the morning mist. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.”

Psalm 126:5-6 Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.

Matthew 11:28-30 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and salvation-so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

Psalm 91:1-4 Those who live in the shelter of the most high will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust Him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

I cling to Jesus as Ruth clung to Naomi

Ruth 1:14 And again they wept together, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye. But Ruth clung tightly to Naomi.

Your sister in Christ,

Jennifir