The Forest of my Heart

This actually started out as a personal journal entry, but my heart instructs me to share.

Jesus, this is a lazy day. Forgive my laziness. I am so cold. I have been tired. I need some time alone with you.

Jesus, I read, John 10:10. I believe in you, Jesus. You are my everything. I trust and know you have my best interests at heart. I trust you have a plan. I give you all that I am. I am asking that you smother all other voices so that it is only your voice I hear. I need your guidance. I don't want to take any wrong steps. Psalm 37:23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.

Thank you for delighting in every detail of my life. Thank you. Even I don't delight in every detail of my life. There are some details I am afraid to delight in. Some details I want to shove away. Details I can see if I take the time to look in the mirror. Sins and patterns that need to be forgiven and cleared away, as far as the east is from the west. But how can I ask for forgiveness and help to clean up the mess in my heart if I don't take the time to see what they are? I can't ask for what I don't realize I need. Fear creeps in. I want to think I am good, but I am a sinner. Bottom line. But with one drop of your blood, Jesus, I am not only forgiven but cleansed. White as snow. Wow! Jesus, thank you. Thank you for holding my hand as I walk through the thick forest of my own heart. As I gaze around, I notice fallen branches, tree stumps, trees scratched and split, leaves blanketing the ground and pathways. But I also see beauty, the moss that grows on the rocks in soft, green patches. The patterns on the dried leaves. The age lines in tree stumps. The whirled pattern of Eastern White Pine as I look up at them.

Right now the forest of my heart has been bombarded by man storms, big and small. The wind has blown. The rains have fallen. The lightening has struck. The snow and ice have made my heart feel heavy. Now, in the aftermath after almost two years, Jesus and I walk hand in hand. The leaves crunch beneath my tattered shoes. Tattered from all the running I have done. I am weary. I am tired of trying to run my own life.

I sit on a rock, soft with moss, my hand never leaving the hand of my Lord and savior. I stare lovingly, pleadingly at Him. I relinquish all that I am to Jesus. My heart, my soul, my spirit, my body, my dreams, my hopes, my desires are now in His hand. He can fit all that and so much more in just one hand! Jesus is creator of all! He smiles at me at me as He wraps His hand full of all that is me around my broken heart and I feel the warmth of healing permeate from my very core. My wellspring. Proverbs 4:23. Permeates from the inside of who He made me to be to the outside of who He made me to be.

I hear deep inside my being His voice. Calm and reassuring. Loving. Do not be afraid to dream, my little goose. I am the one who has placed those dreams in your heart. I will provide all you need to see those dreams come to fruition. I know your heart. Trust in me, your rock, your salvation as I clean the mess of your heart. Remember as I have been promising you since the day you chose to belive in me. I have great plans for you. Jeremiah 29:11-14.

I want to weep tears of joy. Each tear I have shed is a tear that waters and fertilizes my growth. A growth that brings me closer to the Son. Where it is warm, where I am held up so I won't fall. Where I am rescued from myself. Yes, Jesus can even save me from me! Luke 1:37

I have been given a dream, a vision. I must trust that God will make it all happen and He has. I have seen it unfold before my very eyes. Little by little, step by step. Guided by Jesus. I am excited and nervous because it is so new. There is a change in the air. The change saturates my entire being. He reminds me of Isaiah 43:19 as He gazes around the cluttered forest of my storm ridden heart. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Shivers go through me as I realize how true this is. How amazing a promise this is. I look around and notice some of the debris has been removed and a small flower of hope begins to peak out at me. It grows close to the ground. It is a crocus. I remember taking the time to look at it as Rose and I walked around the lake almost a month ago and it was blooming. Just now I take the time to look at my heart and the flowering of my own spiritual growth in what appears to be the middle of a winter of my growth. I have come so far with Jesus by my side. I have a new contentedness and excitement bubbling inside me. There are some patterns and ties that when I had finally looked, I asked for help. I find I hardly struggle with certain patterns anymore. Now it is time to discard and heal from other patterns. It is a process.

God has given me some awesome gifts and the ability to meet and love people is one of them. I have made so many friends on this journey and it has only begun. Lots of warriors and lovers of Christ. I cry out with thanksgiving. I am truly blessed! I am excited because I will meet so many more. I am truly excited about my next step and trust I don't have to do any of it alone.

Psalm 16:10 For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your Holy One to rot in the grave.

God has placed a fire in my heart for people to know the joy and love Jesus has blessed me with. I want everyone to know these feelings. This fire! This joy! This love!

God Bless you all and thank you for taking the time to read the ramblings of one sister in Christ!

Jennfiir Huston:)