Prayer

Essentially, prayer is just talking to God right? And He knows your heart, so there is nothing we shouldn't talk to Him about, no matter how big, small, or embarrassing. Prayer is a necessity in this life, something we should never stop doing. That way we'll always have our eyes on God (Eph. 6:18). It is the will of God that we pray continually (1 Thess. 5:16-18). So when Jesus tells us how to pray, (with the well-known 'Our Father' prayer), He isn't simply telling us our prayers should be short and always sound exactly like that. I think we overlook this prayer so often. There are so many things you can get from these few verses.

Matthew 6:9-"Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be thy name." God is our Father. We're given permission to have more than just a servant/master relationship with Him. Is that not awesome that we can call Him daddy! And we should always have this kind of relationship with Him, and always praise Him with each prayer.

10-"Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven." Though it's a struggle sometimes, we should always be seeking out His will. And it's beyond important to have the state of mind each day that reminds us that this life/world isn't it. That one day we'll all be in Heaven and absolutely everything we see now will no longer exist. Whenever I remind myself of these things it definitely helps encourage me to continue being persistent in my walk and not give up, even when I really just want to.

11-"Give us today our daily bread." We need to have faith that God can really provide all we need even when times get rough. Another verse that's been really on my heart lately is Proverbs 30:8+9-"Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God." I know from experience that when things in my life start going really well, I tend to forget the Lord more, and when things don't go so well, I tend to get tempted more.

12-"And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."
13-"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one." I know there are probably tons of sins I commit each day that I don't even realize. I think this last part is really important cause we need to pray to actually grow in our walk. To realize what we're doing right and wrong, so that we can allow God to work on it with and through us.

Maybe I Am

(Written by Tabitha Scott---Again, Facebookers, You're getting this one twice)

I'm free-falling down again
Faster than I can bear
While the ground beneath me
Feels so heavy handed
I don't feel things
The way you think I should
And so you smirk at me
And figure that I'm crazy

(Chorus):
Well, maybe I am
Maybe I've fallen off the brink
But maybe I'll stand
You know, I'm stronger than you think
I may hit the ground
And lay there stunned or silently
But after a while
I'll shine so much the brighter
But maybe I'm crazy

Once I had a vision
Of a love so fully lightened
But I think it's fallen
Into a brand new form of darkness
Who are you to judge me
For the flaws within my heart
When all you really see of me
Is an actress playing a part?

(Chorus)

(Bridge):
I watch it fall across your face
Oh yeah, I know that shadow
All you know is less of me
You're standing in the shallows
If you want to truly know
You've got to face the raging tide
Pass through the fiery tempest
And come out on the other side

(Chorus)

Clarity

(written by Tabitha Scott)

Lord, I've known darkness
I've held it in my hands
I've felt it garner strength while I
Floundered around to stand
I don't know why You lifted me
Out of the darkness before
All I know is that today
Its crawling back under my door

(Chorus):
I'm not asking You to set me free
Just give me strength to stand
I only need gift of Your clarity
So that I can understand
The reason for this burden, Lord
And just to let me fathom
Why I, of all Your children, Lord
Was chosen for this battle.

Jesus, I've known Your light
You've filled me over full
I've felt You lift me off my knees
Plant my feet firmly on the floor
This is a daily struggle
To cling to naught but You
When my menial search for answers
Pulls my eyes away from You

(Chorus)

(Bridge):
I lie here naked
Transparent to Your eyes
Pick out the flaws
Lord, dismantle all the lies
I've felt the sting
Of weapons of the enemy
But then I've know
Touch of Your hands of healing

(Chorus)

Glory for the Most High

(written by Tabitha Scott)

For countless nights
I've lain awake
Searching my heart
For one mistake
That erected this wall between us
For the life of me
I can't decide
What could possibly
Make me run and hide
And keep everything in me from You.

(Chorus):
All I know is we're better than this
All I need is One bigger than this
And He brought us together
He could split us apart
But every tear I cry
And the pain that we've caused
Breeds strength within us
And glory for the Most High

While lightening rains
And thunder crashes
The Lord hands me glimpses
Of our future in flashes
I'd be a liar if I said I'm not afraid
This beginning is hard
Not sure where we stand
When all that surrounds us
Is sinking sands
But to walk out we must be united

(Chorus)

(Bridge):
We'll make it through
Just believe in love
We'll stand tall enough
For God up above
It's never about us
It's all about Him
Let Him guard us
Cuz the victory is His

Lay Me Down

(written by Tabitha Scott)

(Chorus):
Lord, let me hide
Underneath Your Mercy Seat
From all the chaos and confusion
That the world has thrown at me
Let me rest
And know that who I seek
Will always answer
And never abandon me

Lord, lay me down
Sacrifice me on Your alter of Grace
I can think of no other
Method of highest praise
I want to die
So that I can live
Honor the gift
Of life that You have given

Questions

(written by Tabitha Scott)

There isn't enough breath in
My body to Praise You, My King
There is not enough darkness
To push out the light You bring
I come here to confess
I can't understand this love
Or how when You were dying
I was what You were dreaming of

(Chorus):
How do I praise You
For what I don't understand?
How to I thank You
For what I can't comprehend?
How do I wake up
From this kind of dream?
And how do I accept
The knowledge that You'll bring?

My life is but a vapor
Ever flying by
If I spent every minute
There still would be no time
To fully wrap my mind
Around the depth of offering
All so I could stand here
And in this moment be free

(Chorus)

Strength of Nails

(written by Tabitha Scott)

I'm walking into danger
Enemies on every turn
My heart is heavy
My sight is kinda blurred
I need You now, Lord
I can't fight this on my own
Come stand beside me
Shelter me into Your fold

(Chorus):
The battlefield is lonely, Lord
I can't see Your way out
I have to walk on through this
Though I'm pressed upon by doubts
I know You'll see me through
Lord, You didn't call me here to fail
But to perservere on
Held up by Your strength of Nails

The burden I've been given
Is a heavy one endured
Oh, she is a beauty but
Some days she's not so sure
And my Lord, he's growing
Everyday by leaps and bounds
God, they seem so fragile
Help me keep them safe and sound

(Chorus)

(Bridge):
We are one
Bound together by Your blood
It can't be severed
Until Your work is done
What You've ordained
Lord, there is no room to fail
We are strengthed
By the love found in three nails

(Chorus)

Just Pray

(written by: Tabitha Scott) [-Sorry Facebookers...You're getting this one twice!]

I hate this moment
Standing back to watch you fall
My heart is broken
But this time its not my call
I don't savor
All the damage that's to come
Do me a favor
The pieces--let me pick them up

(Chorus):
I don't know what to say
Don't know what to think
I can't gauge this situation
I don't think I can sleep
Don't think I can breathe
Alone I can't banish this division
All that I can figure
All I can decide
Is just to let you go today
And just pray

I don't like watching
But you have to live and learn
Time is bypassing
Your stripes you have to earn
The fight ain't easy
But its one you've gotta win
I know it sounds crazy
But you can do this without sin

(Chorus)

(Bridge):
I'll stand by your side
And fight in your battles
But something about this
Just leaves me rattled
I can't nail it down
Don't know what just yet
But something's wrong
Something's not right in this

(Chorus)

Love and Praise

(Written by Tabitha Scott)

Lord, Your beauty is refining
Stretched from sea to shining sea
Bigger than the universe
And yet You reached right down to me
I felt smaller than a grain of sand
And just as out of place
But You picked me and redeemed me
With Your blood, sweet saving Grace

(Chorus):
I can't help but praise You
For all that You've done
Washed clean a sinner
Crucified Your Spotless One
My heart was once empty
But now I can see
through my trials and fails
Lord, You've loved and chosen me

Nothing could compare to
This joy planted in me
And nothing could outdo
The freedom through Your peace
I could sing a trillion love songs
But none would ever be enough
To praise You, Lord, for all the times
I've fallen down, You picked me up

(chorus)

Millions

(written by Tabitha Scott)

I could live a thousand years
And never understand Your worth
I could walk a thousand footsteps
And never be outside Your heart
I could dream a million dreams
And breathe a million breaths
Live a thousand lives and then
Die a thousand deaths
Walk or stumble into crawl
Or marathon a race
But, Lord, I'll never be complete
Until I see Your face

(Chorus):
A million years, a million stars
A million faces, a trillion cars
Time flashes past, gone without a trace
Nothing I could ever see will compare to Grace (rpt. x1)

I have wasted untold years
Chasing my wayward dreams
My life has only dwindled down
To chaos, vanity and schemes
My Lord, I know You're teaching me
That nothing less than praise
Will ever satisfy my soul
I'll follow all Your ways
Though wind and sky may shatter
Free and fall to earth below
I am Yours and You are mine
And within my heart I know...

(chorus)

(Bridge):
No more
Waging war
Against the things of God
No more
Now I'm sure
I'll follow where You trod
(repeat once then chorus)

The Ostrich

Psalm 37:23-24

The Lord directs the steps of the godly.

He delights in every detail of their lives.

Though they stumble,

they will never fall,

for the Lord holds them by the hand.

It has been a while since I have posted. A lot has been going on in my meager little life. Contemplation. Eye openings. Clarity and not necessarily pleasant clarity. Growth. Realizations and revelations. A true knowing that God has never and will never let go of my hand. I am like a child so in awe of my Father whose hand holds mine, that I don't watch the rocks on the pathway beneath my feet. And I stumble on those pebbles, those rocks, but my Father has my hand firm in his so I never fall. I may stub a toe. Or trip a little but i never hit the ground and all the while even with tears in my eyes I gaze in awe at the unfailing most amazing father anyone could ever ask for. And so I share one or more of my stumblings as God has revealed them to me.

I am very much like an ostrich. I would say lately, but I think it has been for a very long time. Trouble comes and I half cry out to the Lord as I immediately bury my head in the sand. Lately I have felt as if I have been swimming through the thick, lonely financial muck that I call my life. I have ignored some truths about myself. Truths I have not wanted to face. I have felt out of touch. Tired. Worn out. Stretched so thin that I drag through each day and only look forward to the moment I can lay my head on my pillow. Depression has tried to creep in. The enemy has been hard at work. He is angry and it is my confirmation that I am in fact on the right path. I am, even in my clouded visions at times, obeying, or else the enemy would not bother with me. I rejoice in this! I have lost all interest in the things I love as I sink deeper and deeper into the the pit of hopelessness. Even as I read my Bible, I think. I don't deserve his grace. His mercy. But I know in my heart this is not true. As a sinner, I don't, but as God's child, I do and only because He truly loves me.

Doubt begins to seep in as I still don't see improvements in my life or what I think should be improvements. My stagnant lonely life. I am on fire for Jesus. No matter what. He is my first love. I cling to Him in my despair, my doubt, my unbelief as Ruth clung to Naomi as she followed her to an unknown land with unknown people. The one belief that always stays deep in my heart is Jesus loves me. I don't blame God for my situations here on earth. I know I am where I am because of the decisions i have made and continue to make.

I struggle with clarity. With the belief that I am truly forgiven. I guess deep down this small bit of doubt, which I know is from the enemy, keeps nagging at me. If I am forgiven why won't my life improve? Why can I never be quite good enough? I want to come in first sometime. I admit it now! It's a selfish desire. Even as I write this I know that as a servant of Christ, I will and should come last. I should be willing, joyous. It's not about me. It's about Jesus.

I seek the desires of my heart. I desire a closeness with my Daddy, my Father, in heaven. I also desire to be loved here on earth. Even now I feel so alone as I sit outside on a sunny Saturday afternoon. As I contemplate. As I look into that virtual mirror of who I am. As I realize God IS answering my prayers, but not how I want Him to but how He feels is best for me. I know I will look back and see this. I will thank Him then. I thank Him now. He will not take this cup of loneliness, this cup of stagnation from me, but He will hold my hand and stay by my side as I drink it. Eventually, the cup will be empty. There is hope, expectancy in that.

My father in heaven has asked me to do some things I have fought. Things until I came to a breaking point in my bosses office I could no longer ignore. It was time to stop playing ostrich and pull my head from the sand. How can I be proactive in the improvement of my life if I cannot see what is going on? I didn't like what I saw. There was misbalance. The scales were so out of whack, I was barely hanging on by a pinky. My whole body flailing. As my pinky begins to slip from the oily feel of the over weighted scale, a firm strong hand grabs a hold of me. Catches me. He will not let me fall. I am His child and He has plans for me. I look around, tucked in the the safety of God's loving arms and finally allow myself to see. I have bad budget skills. And the hard one to face: my addiction to facebook. I would stay up late chatting then wake up tired and unenthusiastic for work the next morning. I truly love my job and it is through the disappointment of my co-workers, women who truly love me, that the Lord opened my eyes to see that facebook was becoming my God. The enemy was doing his best to use it to overtake my life and tear it apart so I would be no good to the Lord. One thing I know for sure, God's plan can not be thwarted and the enemy has already lost. I have to remind him on a constant basis.

Through those around me the Lord has shown me the way out. He has told me steps to take. I have canceled cable and the Internet so it is not ready at my hand. I can no longer sit for hours in front of the c0mputer. I have to go to the library to write this blog. I admit it has been hard, but necessary. I am still able to stay in touch with my phone but not at the level I had gotten to. I'm getting to bed at a decent hour and I'm already seeing the creative juices and my enthusiasm return. There are so many addictions and people tend to overlook things like facebook and myspace as addictions, but they are just as life damaging as alcohol or drugs or food if not kept in check. This has been a hard, painful lesson for me. I admit now that facebook had in many ways become my God and through God's mercy, grace, and love He made this clear to me and showed me the way out. And as hard as it was, as it is, I obey. My Father delights in me. He knows my heart. He knows my weaknesses just as the enemy does. I forget this sometimes and have to remind myself the war has already been won. I must close my ears to the lies of the enemy. Put on all of God's armor.

Even as I feel my life is so horrible, I know this is but a season, one of many in my life I will live through. A growing season. It is the hot summer months, the growing season. The time of the flower becoming the fruit. Soon there will be much harvest. Many tears have been shed, much food fed to me. I take it all up and realize now I am in the midst of the flowering stage of my growth. Much birth has taken place during this time.

It is exciting and this revelation has been revealed to me as I lay on my belly in the sun in my front yard. God is so amazing! I delight in Him. I trust Him with all that I have and am. My life had to ripped to pieces, deconstructed, as we sometimes have to do with a flower arrangement that has gone awry. Pull all the flowers out, even redo the floral foam and start all over so it will come out as God intended!

I praise God and rejoice for ALL that is in my life. Trials and non trials. I have so much to learn!

Warrior Princess

I am a warrior princess. It's all I know how to be. I have always been one, even before I knew what to call it. Finally, in the midst of trying to find out where I fit into the Kingdom of God, I just asked Him. I asked Jesus, "Who am I to You, Lord?" It is a strange question, but one that we are all dying to know deep down, and I'd advise everyone to ask it; He will answer, and it will rock your world. When I asked Him, Jesus' immediate response was "My warrior princess." And I've been different ever since.

I'm not going to lie and say that this job is an easy one. In the past year alone, I have seen things and felt things that would make some Christians cower in the corner and suck their thumbs. I have had more clarity then I've ever had in my life. In the past year, I have been shot through the back with Satan's crossbow. It was a strange sensation. I walked around for two whole days with a barbed crossbow bolt that no one could see sticking out of my back. But Lord knows I could feel it. It made it hard to move. I got one day of peace before being attacked again. Sitting in a study on the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge, deep in prayer, and when I looked up, I felt like someone shoved a sword through my left eye socket. I could tell you the exact way that it was positioned, the way the entity had to have been standing, and where the sword went in my head and where it went out. And then last night. Friday night, the Lord called me to bind two other people to me in the name of Jesus. They are my ministry partners, and they need a warrior princess to step in sometimes; we are one in Christ, and we have to be united. So I prayed with them individually, and bound us all together. The battle began at 1 am Saturday morning as one of the individuals had a very shaking situation. As Sunday came on, we had great planning meetings for FFJ (the worship part of the ministry) and a wonderful home group. When I got home, I was sitting on my bed, minding my own beeswax, praying about some stuff and rejoicing at having avoided what could be an ugly situation; that's when I felt it. I felt the enemy only just before I felt it shove a spear into my right shoulder; the spearhead was resting in my collarbone. It hurt, but I didn't panic. This time, I knew what to do, and set people to praying right away, and after thirty minutes, Jesus pulled it out. He healed me. I felt His hand hot on my shoulder healing the wound. Satan is angry. We are at war, my friends. "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:11-12)

We must stand strong in God. We are all made in the image of God. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27) This is something that is clearly stated, but something that is completely overlooked sometimes. We are made in the image of God!!! I fully believe that each person on this planet was created in the image of God; we all are just different images of different facets of His great and awesome personality. I happen to be made after His heart that is like a mama with her babies and a fighter. "The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is His name." (Exodus 15:3) It's a beautiful and most incredible thing to think about...