Uncertainty

Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know that I am God!

I will be honored by every nation.

I will be honored throughout the world."

I love this verse. God has been pointing it out to me for the past few weeks. In one way or another. I have a tendency to jump. I get all excited and antsy and run with ideas. I have a lot of uncertainty in my life. A lot of what ifs...how am I going to do this? Where am I going? What is God's plan for me? Whys? I have so many whys. It seems that life has not been fair for me in so many ways. In finances, relationships. Life has been so uncertain for me for so long that uncertainty has been such a constant. As I sat in church this morning and listened to Pastor Matt give the message, I realized that part of the reason I have so much uncertainty is because I am not taking the time to be still. To really listen.

I can't help but think of driving down the road, the rain is pounding so hard on my car and the thunder rumbling so loud I can't keep driving. I can't see through the windshield and I'm shaking in my boots each time I hear the thunder crash all around me and all this while I am driving. I have no choice but to pull over. To sit still on the side of the road and wait for the storm to lessen so I can again get back onto the road and to my destination. Realizing that I need to stop and be still is only the first part of that though. As I sit there, I need to breathe. Calm my heart, mind and thoughts. Thoughts reel through my head. There is a storm within a storm. I need to still all the thoughts. I need to stop talking. I want to hear God when He speaks to me. I don't know how to still my mind. I'm trying to figure it out. I ask God to help me. I want to stop rambling off to God. I want to hear Him! I've said enough. I don't know how to make the thoughts to stop. I need to stop. take some time. There's a storm raging all around me...I'm going to hydroplane if I'm not careful.

I'm exhausted. I just want to give up and just live. I ask myself is it worth it? Do I have to be alone? I'm tired of being alone. I know I have God. I am so grateful that I have God and that He is forever faithful. He is showing me slowly but surely, sinking it into my very thick skull that He is always with me. I am never alone. I desire to be loved here on earth as well. God knows my heart, but I can't hear what He is saying to me if I am not still. Listen. I desire above all else to hear what God is telling me. Not what anyone else is telling me, but what God is telling me! God, oh God...I want to hear your voice. You have given me a vision....a dream. Guide me. Show me. I need peace. I need these uncertainties to be washed away in this crazy storm going on inside me. My life is so uncertain. I am scared. I don't know where I am going. I am afraid I will remain stagnate in life. That my abundance will be given to me once I am in heaven. Oh God, please, I would like to know abundance here on this earth as well.

I know that is selfish of me. I am a selfish person. I admit it. It is a weakness of mine. I am always thinking of myself. I have been in 2 Corinthians as well. 12:9 Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Selfishness is a weakness for me. Earthly desires of alleviating my loneliness is a weakness. God works best in my weakness. He shows me my weakness and shows me that I am only strengthened by Him. He will make me surefooted as a deer as He guides and teaches me. He did not say this would be easy so I rejoice in my weaknesses. I rejoice in the desert of my life. In the torrential downpours of my life. In the quiet times. I rejoice in the uncertainties because without them I would not desire to be still and hear. (Habakkuk 3:19)

I have so much to learn. I am so glad that I will never stop learning and growing closer to Jesus! I want Him to be proud of me. Oh yes, but I am so weak. I am so tired. Jesus is my rock! He is the only constant. He is always with me.

I end this with one of my most favorite verses and I have many. Psalm 16:8 I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

I rejoice in my weaknesses. I rejoice in constant growth. I rejoice in Grace and forgiveness.

I love Jesus!

Ramblings of one sister in Christ,

Jennifir Huston

Jesus loves you!