Hebrews 11:1
Faith is the confidence that what we hope for
will actually happen;
it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.
It seems a continuous struggle to have faith. I do have faith that Jesus died on the cross and rose again for me. But there are so many areas in my life I have a hard time expressing faith. Trusting in God. I want to and I do know God will and is helping me with my faith. I have asked him to and I know He can. I am so grateful for that. I want to trust God in ALL areas of my life, not just this one or that one. I know God loves me so much that I should have a peace that he has my best interest in His heart in all that He allows to happen to me, asks me to do, asks me to give up, or does not give me when I ask for it. He has a plan (Jer. 29:11-14) and it is all in His time, not mine. I must learn to practice patience. Trust God. It is God's Will! Not mine! What I think is best for me is not best for me at all and definitely not best for God's plans to use me which I have asked Him to use me. I want to God to use me! I am his willing, loving servant. But I must trust Him! I must look at some of the examples of faith God has in His word to understand faith a little more, although it is not always an easy concept for me to embrace.
I was reading in Genesis this morning and had just been thinking about my faith when I started reading about how God tested Abraham's faith. Abraham truly trusted God. He demonstrated his faith in God. Even as he was leaving his servants at a distance from where God was asking him to sacrifice his only son, Abraham demonstrated his faith. He told his servants to wait with the donkey and said, "The boy and I will travel a littler farther. We will worship there, and then we will come right back. (Genesis 22:5) Abraham knew he was to sacrifice his only son he had waited so long for, he had faith that God would provide and alternate and he and his son would return to the servants together. He said WE, not I. He trusted God that much! That's how I want to be! Abraham did all God asked of him although it most surely was not what he wanted to do. It pained him but he trusted God! He trusted God's plans and trusted that God would not in the end expect him to kill Isaac. He allowed God to direct his steps and he placed each foot where God asked him to. God did did provide! At the last minute there was a ram. Then Abraham looked up and saw a ram caught by its horn in a thicket. So he took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering in the place of his son. Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means "the Lord will provide"). To this day, people still use that name as a proverb: "On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided." (Genesis 22:13-14)
Abraham passed an amazingly, excruciating test of faith. Sacrificing your only child has got to be the hardest sacrifice of all. Honestly, I don't think I could and I thank God He hasn't asked me to. He has asked me for the first year of my salvation to allow my daughter to spend a lot of time with her dad as He grew me, which was not easy, but nothing compared to the sacrifice God asked Abraham to make. There are many things God asks us to sacrifice in order to prove our faith in him and to grow closer to Him. God has asked me to sacrifice, to give up some things for good and some things for a short while. I notice as I obey I grow closer to God and He gives me something better in its place. It does not make the sacrifice any less painful. The withdrawals can have me crying, numb, even afraid, but I turn to God in those times. I hide under His wings and let Him hold me close to Him. I put my trust in Him. He asks me to do things that seem impossible and then He reminds me in His word that all things are possible with God. (Matthew 19:26, Luke 1:37, Philippians 4:13 are just a few.)
God gave me a vision months ago. A vision I just could not imagine ever doing. He showed it to me vividly. He didn't show me how it would come about. I wasn't and still am not ready for the full fruition and harvest of the vision. God was placing the desire in my heart. Planted the seed. Showing me what the flower would look like, but the field was yet to even be cultivated. I set aside the vision as one sets aside a seed to germinate.
As I drove to a friends house yesterday afternoon after meeting with some band members from a local band who are probably going to play at The Open Door Coffeehouse, I began thinking about that vision. And how far God has brought me in my cultivation. I realize as I write this that He gave me the name before I had the vision. He called it Freaky For Jesus. I thought. Wow. God gave me this huge vision. I had wondered and still wonder how it would come about, but it is not for me to wonder about, it if for God to reveal the pieces at the right times. I must trust God!
I do know it had to begin with desire. God is going to make it huge. He is providing a network and so many strong Christians around me and merging my visions with other peoples vision. My vision is actually only just a piece of a bigger one. New Disciples is proof in that. As these visions come together as a puzzle, I see how big it really is. I am also excited to know that what is in my heart will be and is shared with so many others. That I will not be a lone plant in this particular garden, but a plant among many to be harvested when God decides it's time. I write this now not even sure of the whole big picture, but I have seen my part in it and I trust God will reveal what I need to know when I need to know it and He will provide the means.
In the meantime as I grow, as I am cultivated, I understand and joyfully accept that there is a constant weeding process and there are times the roots of the weeds intertwine with my roots. Those roots get so entangled at times they must be cut away. It is not always easy, but I am so grateful for The Master Gardner, Jesus! And He knows all about this little plant, Jennifir, because I know I don't know what I need. So, I choose to trust in the Lord in all I do. I choose to allow God to direct my steps! He is amazing! He has my heart! I tuck myself underneath my Father's warm, comforting, loving wing!
Thank God He loves us so much!
I truly love Jesus!
your sister in Christ,
Jennifir
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