Pray to rebuke unbelief!

(written by Jennifir Huston)

I have been struggling lately with unbelief. I pray, but it seems God does not even hear. I know He does. He has answered many prayers, but when it comes to me personally, I have a hard time believing. I know this is partly because I feel I don't deserve to have my personal prayers answered. I believe for others, but not for me. I have been so used to being put on the back burner, that I have found I even expect it from God. Over the past few weeks, as this truth has come to the surface, I have prayed for help with this. Of course God is not going to answer prayers that are not fully heartfelt even if I think they are. They are not heartfelt because the belief and expectancy that they will be answered is not there. So, as with any healing process, I had to identify the wound first. Not necessarily the cause, but I see that as well. Just the wound and the wound is that I feel undeserving. I have caught myself thinking, "why would He answer any of my prayers for me? I don't deserve to be happy. I am selfish to even be thinking about myself." But God tells us He wants us to be happy. He loves us. He will bless us with what we need as well as much more. Psalm 37:4 and John 10:10 are just two verses that come to mind. So, the next step after opening my eyes and seeing this one particular wound, I began praying about it. And I received an answer directly from His word!

Wait a minute!! God did answer a personal prayer! Revelation in itself, right!

Earlier in the week, I am in one of my Bible studies, actually, a Beth Moore study. It is called Jesus: 90 Days with the One and Only. A very good study, I might say. I am really getting a chance to grow closer to Jesus. Get to know Him. The study sent me to Mark 9 where the story of the demon possessed boy is. There were a few verses that really struck me. Mark 9:22-24 The spirit often throws him into the fire or into water, trying to kill him. Have mercy on us and help us, if you can." "What do you mean, if I can?" Jesus asked. "Anything is possible if a person believes." The father instantly cried out, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:29 Jesus replied, "This kind can be cast out only by prayer." I truly believe in my heart, that unbelief is Satan working to thwart God. With unbelief I am thrown into the fire or the water. Satan tries to kill my spiritual well being by flooded me with unbelief. I had to first admit that I have unbelief. I do belief, but I do have unbelief. I feel God is showing me that it is normal to have unbelief, that it is one of the way Satan attacks and that I cannot overcome this evil spirit on my own. That even the strong believers around me may not be able to help me except through prayer. Only Jesus can rebuke the evil spirit of unbelief, but I have to recognize it then go to Him. I have to ask for help to overcome it! I have to push past that evil spirit of pride and humble myself to realize that I am capable of unbelief.

In fact, I have been so full of unbelief. I noticed throughout the past couple of weeks as I began praying for help with this evil spirit, God has shown me little signs that only He could have intervened. Silly, little things, but things I notice. Last week, I think it was last week, when it snowed, there was no windshield wiper fluid in my car. I could barely see. I had no money to buy more. Still don't. A few days ago, my windshield was looking all dirty so I decided to try it. Miraculously, there was fluid in my car! I had not told anyone about it.

Then, there are verses that He keeps sending me to. Matthew 19:26 and Luke 1:37. Telling me through His own words that with God anything is possible. I need to stop trying to fix my problems. Pray to my Father and ask for His help. I cannot do it. Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them intently and said, "Humanly speaking it is impossible. But with God everything is possible." I notice now as I write this, many times Jesus is speaking to His disciples as they too, while there sitting with Jesus in the flesh, struggled with unbelief. Jesus is teaching me. He is teaching me to trust in Him. To let Him handle things. To let go.

He answered my prayer as I drove home and I glanced up at the beauty of the clouds. I snapped pictures with my cell phone. After looking at the pics I noticed something amazing. Miraculous. A sign that Jesus has me in the Palm of His hand. The clouds formed a thumb and four fingers, in the center of his palm was the sun which looks like a hole. The rays of the sun radiate from around the center and make His palm shine. Isaiah 49:16 See I have written your name on the palms of my hands. Always in my mind is a picture of Jerusalem's walls in ruins. Jesus has written my name of the palm of His hands. As I feel I have had to lose so much and be alone, and have no money and struggle so much, that my time in the desert is almost over. He is in the process of restoring me. But I must believe. How can I not believe with His hand enveloping me with His love above Interstate 40 on a beautiful, balmy day? What a promise! My belief grows and grows! I pray Mark 9:24 everyday now and realize that I have been humbled and reminded that I am human and only He can save me. Only He can fix things. That He has a plan for me and I must trust in Him. I must curl up under His loving warm feathers and let Him fight the fiery battle going on all around me. I must clothe myself with His love and rest in His loving palm! Psalm 91:4 He will take care of me.

One more thing He has shown me this week is that Satan cannot destroy a bond cemented by Jesus. A bond I have with Asia and Tabitha. As I listened to Tabitha talk about being in Job this week, my heart leaped. I am in Job too! I thought. As Asia and I talked we both realized we had both been praying that same verse in Mark 9! We are so connected. The Lord has great plans with the three of us. I am so excited to see where He takes us! We believe! We love Jesus so much! Even in Tabitha's songs, it is as if she is in my head! Praise God!