Romans 10

One of my callings, well, my main calling is to share what God has, is and will do in my life whether it has been a painful process or happy. I rejoice in all of it! I grow stronger in Spirit and closer to my God. My faith grows. I want those with ears to hear what God has done in this meager young woman's life. I want anyone with ears to hear to be encouraged not by the circumstances in my life but how I have reacted and where I have turned when circumstances have come up. It is my desire to let it be seen that none of us are alone. We all go through storms and there are many types of storms and levels of severity. Some are tropical. Some are freezing. Some are calm with silence. Some are heavy and pounding. Emotions come along with those storms...fear, excitement, coldness, anger and so on. Some are light like a misty rain while others are heavy and overwhelming while the hail pounds on my body creating dents in my armor. (Ephesians 6:10-18) Shelter must be found quickly before I am trapped in the storm of my sins on the ground. I run to the one shelter I can count on completely. That is in the shadow of my Lord. (Psalm 91)

My most recent storm has been the most brutal inwardly. I saw the dark clouds coming. It's not as if the Lord did not warn me to begin to prepare. I ignored it. I was in denial. I didn't want to face my sin of not being a good steward of God's money. Bottom line. I have never been good with money. And when I can't pay bills I ignore them and pretend they don't exist. This time there was no hiding. It was time for me to face the storm I myself had created and repent and repenting did not mean just saying it or walking away from that sin. It meant also becoming an active part in rectifying it and rejoicing in the consequences. Using it to grow stronger. I am in the middle of this storm now, but I am sheltered. I have a student loan and it is coming out of my pay check. At first I freaked out. Broke down at work. Got angry. Blamed my ex husband. In suffering the consequences God is also asking me to quietly sit back and be OK with any injustices where my ex husband is concerned. Just as Jesus never said anything. I must step back and let God deal with him and work out my personal salvation and do as God shows me.

He's promised me He won't leave me hanging. He is right there by my side through all of this. As a good, disciplinary Father, He is also not fixing the situation for me. There is a huge mountain, or should I say I perceived it as huge, standing in front of me. God is quite capable of moving that mountain and has told me so but has chosen not to. Instead, He is showing me how to climb it so that I may grow stronger in my faith. So that I may be ready for His callings on my life in music and writing. I have seen what He wants me to do...bits and pieces of it. It is going to be big. But first I must grow hind's feet. I must be purified. (Habakkuk 3:19, Zechariah 13:9, Malachi 3:2-3). And I must trust Him! When He shows me what or asks me to do something. Do it. No matter how silly it may seem. I can't understand His ways. His thinking is way above any thinking I could ever imagine! Thank God! He really is so amazingly awesome! I love Him so much! (Ecclesiastes 11:5, Isaiah 55:8-9) I'm actually very excited about suffering the consequences of my bad choices because I am being purified and cleaned. Pressed so I may better glorify my God who is so great and mighty! It is liberating and I feel like a forest after a rain...all shiny and clean and new!

It is not going to be easy. I have had to get a second job. I am in a position where I slip through the cracks of the systems. I make too much for help, but not enough to make it. It is God's way of making sure I really learn this lesson. He has something huge for me planned and I have to be ready! I'm so excited. It is worth all the work I will be going through. So for at least a year, I will be a floral designer by day and a server by night with the occasional music event in between. This must be done for me to be free and to teach me how to be a good steward of God's money! I am so grateful to Him.

It has also been a time God has used me to show one of my friends one of her callings. She has a heart for single moms. And she, of all the friends I have, Christian and non Christian that have really been there for me. There are so many who have not even asked me if I am OK. That hurt at first, but I accept it. God was wanting me to turn to Him so I was not placed on their hearts. I am just glad that I can be used to reveal others spiritual gifts. She is a girl who didn't believe she had any and she has many. God has forced me to really knock down that wall of pride I hold up so tall. I must remember that pride can be the root of so many evils. I have chosen to humble myself and allow myself to be helped and loved on by those who truly want to. They are blessed in so many ways for doing so! I thank my amazing God for them and their love and obedience.

This has yet again been a ramble but this is where I am at. I was reading in Zechariah 4. I am an active part in the rebuilding God's temple, me. I am so grateful I get to be an active participant and not sit on the sideline! My, my God is so amazing!! He overwhelms me with His love!

your sister in Christ,

Jennifir Huston

God bless all who read this!

lean on Him

I wrote this one originally June 19

Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who trust in you.

I have felt abandoned adn discarded and rejected by so many lately and in the past. But it does not matter. it is you, Lord, your love, Father, that I search for. If everyone abandons me for one reason or another, I know you will never leave me or discard me. You promise in psalm 9 and Romans 8:38-39 and many places in your word that you will always be there. One thing I know is I have not felt abandoned by you. I have sought you and grown closer to you.

It has been a tough road for me the past few weeks, eye opening in many ways. I have been forced to really look into the mirror. When I thought I was doing right, I was actually doing wrong although my heart was trying to be in the right place. Sometimes my vision gets cloudy. Because of this, so many have walked away from me, leaving me standing alone with the shattered remnants of what was hanging from my hands and tears of loneliness, regret, and remorse pouring from my eyes.

For a while, I could not move. I just stood there, locked in my own depression, feelng sorry for myself and hurting for those I hurt. I felt lost. I had been moving so much the sudden slam against the wall of angry, unforgiving hearts and silence knocked me senseless. I shed tears of mourning for what I thought was. Then as I dug in your word, my Father, I began to cry tears of freedom and realization that what I thought was, never really was.

I had been living in a dream world. It was time for us to go our separate ways. Our paths had forked into new and different directions. I had seen it coming, but had held on so tight. My life has been a lonely one for some time. It was time for me to walk alone, slow down, and be fed. To take teh time to lean on you, God. To hear your voice. To move to the next step in your plan for my life of which I am not sure of, but I step in faith. I trust you. (Jeremiah 29:11) I know you have an awesome path laid our for me. You guide my every step. You, my Father, lead me. (Psalme 5:8, Psalm 37:23-24, Proverbs 3:5-6) You never let go of me, even when I try to let go of you. I trust in you. I am choosig to give you all that I am, heart, soul, mind, body...all of me!

This is a time I must walk alone on this earty, yet i am never alone. You are there, my Father, every step of the way. I must learn to lean fully on you. I must realize that there are times that there will be no one but you to turn to. This is one of those times. My path is in the desert at this point in my life. As a very social person, I admit, the first few days, couple of weeks, were the most difficult. I cried so much and felt so lost and unwanted that I did not know what to do with myself except cry and open my Bible. Slowly, but surely you have and continue to heal my wounded, lonely heart.

You brought me to a point where I stopped seeking a husband this past winter and this past spring you brought me to a point where I was forced to stop leaning so heavily on other people and to lean only on you. When the time is right and you feel i am ready I know you will restore new and old friendships, but with a much more spiritually, healthy Jennifir. A Jennifir that has grown with you, my Father in heaven. This is a painful, yet necessary part of my growth. It is part of the molding process of who you have and are creating me to be in you, my Lord.

I thank you and rejoice in all parts of my growth, easy and not so easy. I know the fruit that will be produced from the growing pains of this one little tree will be an amazing testimony for you, Jesus! A beautiful testimony of what you have done, and are doing, and will do in my meager life. You use my weaknesses to do so many things.

I love my God so much! I could shout it from the mountain tops here in Haywood County! i humble myself to my God and give all I am to Him! I want my God to use me as He will to draw all the children He loves so dearly and show them that it does not matter what they have done or where they have been. God wants us just as we are. He cleans us up...we just have to let Him in and trust Him!

(Romans 12:1-2) I choose to be a living sacrifice for my God! I know what Jesus saved me from, I had a memorial to remind me on a daily basis tattooed o my ankle so that I may never forget! I am not going back to the person I once was! God is in me now, it is his strength that propels me forward.

I grow stronger with each passing day!

My God is an amazing God and He can and will do anything if only we will believe!!

The ramblings and revelations of one sister in Christ Jesus, my Lord and savior!

Jennifir:)

Can't Sleep

This is actually a blog i posted on facebook June 1. I haven't been able to get onto my FFJ account until today.

John 3:14

"And as Moses lifted up the bronze snake on a pole in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up,"

I wake up at three am. I can't sleep. I am restless. My heart aches a little because I have unintentionally hurt people I care about. I didn't mean to really. I made a very human mistake and listened to people and my own voice and not to God's. I have been bitten by the sin of loose tongues...my own for one. I have asked them and God for forgiveness. I ask again those friends of mine to forgive me. I ask to forgive myself and I do. God forgives me. I looked up to Jesus on the cross. It is because He has been risen up in the wilderness to die for my sins, all of them, that I am forgiven. I am so grateful for this. My brain tries hard to wrap around this concept. Thank you Jesus for coming here for my sins. Who am I? No one, but I am everything united with you! (Ephesians 2:4-6) Thank you for covering me with your blood, having God see me through your eyes.

This walk is a learning process. It is not easy. It feels treacherous at times, but that is only because I stumble and make it so from my own human error and for lack of a better term, stupidity. It is hard sometimes to see whose intentions are good and whose are not. I shouldn't be seeking that out anyway, I should be seeking out God's intentions. Opening my spiritual ears and eyes and hearing what God has to say not what anyone else has to say or even what I have to say. I've been listening to fireflight a lot lately and there is a song that comes to mind called Recovery Begins. I need to stop and listen...stop talking. I truly love my friends. They mean so much to me. I ask God send you amazing blessings and peace in your hearts. I want my friends happy and to grow closer to Jesus with every breath they take.

My life has not been easy. In some areas lately it has been kind of rough. I'm learning how to have a relationship with my daughter. It has been a difficult revelation to realize my weakness where she is concerned. She is my heart. My baby and I don't always know how to relate to her. It is hard for me to admit because we have always been so close.

God is doing a lot of sifting and refining in my life right now. It leaves me a little muddled at times and unclear. He is really working on some of the nastier parts of my heart. A spring cleaning of sorts. He is showing me things I have had tucked away in nooks and crannies of my heart I did not know existed. He is healing me from the inside out and it is not always pretty. Watching even the smallest things that come from my mouth is one of those things coming out. There are things I have thought harmless that I have said have not been so harmless. I am sorry to anyone I may have hurt in such a way. I have asked God to help and guide me with this. I love you all so much.

I take this lesson with a heavy heart and it seems with less friends. It hurts but it says in Proverbs 18:19 and Proverbs 18:21 this would happen. The sifting in this lesson has settled and I see the consequences. I see what I must do. Be careful of every word that comes from my mouth. Focus on Jesus! Focus on His plans for me. I trust Him with all my heart. He knows I stumble. (Psalm 37:23-24). He forgives me. it is only my heart I can change and as I gaze up at Jesus my heart will change and be healed and grow closer to Him!

Psalm 147:2 He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

My hero

Isaiah 2:15
He will break down every high tower and every fortified wall.

There are towers in my heart. Heavy fortified walls in my heart. I keep it so heavily guarded that more good than harm is done many a time. I cannot always see if the person knocking is friend or foe. God loves me so much that He is knocking these down. It hard to let the walls of protection I have built around my heart to fall at my feet. And be carried away by Jesus. It makes me feel vulnerable. But a hardened heart is unable to hear God's voice. The fortification muffles His voice and I can't always understand His warnings.

It is good to guard my heart, but I need to let God do it. Not me. I am weak...I am inexperienced at building the appropriate fortification or the right fitting armor. By building my own protection, I push God out as well as any potential enemies. God is in the process of tearing my self made, overly made guard down which does more harm than good. He is building a safe house in its place where He is ALWAYS home. Always deeply embedded in a heart that truly loves Him. I can rest easy. God is guarding my heart. I just need to completely hand it over to Him. Lay everything at His feet in all aspects of my little life.

God is my hero! When God says He will fight for me...He means it. When a man says he will fight for me...he only means it in that moment. A man's promises are empty. (Isaiah 2:22 Don't put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they?) I sure learned this one the hard way the past few weeks. God's promises are so full they spill all over the place. I love that! God has angels watching over me and with Jesus He has overcome the enemy. I forget that sometimes. I need to make a point to remember it right away. Go back to John 16:33, read it out loud so the enemy knows. Answer him as it is written from Jesus himself!

God will let in who is safe and kick away who is not. My ears need to be sharp and my tough walls gone so I may hear when God is telling me who to not open the door to. I'll just curl up on the couch of God's safe house and read His book while He stands by the door of my heart and gives the once over to anyone who knocks. I never even have to see who is there until God sends them into the living room of my heart. I am not to answer the door. My daddy must be the screener. I have learned some tough lessons the past few weeks. Painful lessons. I have come out on top and closer to Jesus. I lay everything at His feet. Only God is capable of handling things. I must go to Him. Ask God to guard my heart and allow Him to love me.

I must know that He has great plans for me. (Jeremiah 29:11) That my Daddy in heaven wants the best for me. Not just know this, but believe it deep in my heart. I choose to believe this! Yes! I must stop taking matters into my own hands because I am not patient. I must pray that as God knocks the fortress from around my heart, that my discernment to hear His voice grows stronger. When He says, "Don't let this person in." I do as He says and trust that He has a good reason for not wanting to let them in.

I am so grateful that God is always there. That He is always holding my hand no matter what dumb decisions I make. Most of all I am grateful for His grace and mercy and His faithful willingness to clean up the messes I make. What an amazing God I have! My God is a great God! There is no one greater than He! I am so glad He loves me so much!!

God bless!

your sister in Christ,
Jennifir Huston

Damascus Road

Acts 9:1-6

Meanwhile, Saul, was uttering threats with every breath and
was eager to kill the Lord's followers.

So he went to the high priest.
He requested letters addressed to
the synagogues in Damascus, asking for
their cooperation in the arrest of any followers of
the Way he found there. He wanted to bring them-both
men and women-back to Jerusalem in chains.
As he was approaching Damascus on this mission,
a light from heaven suddenly shone down around him.
He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him,
"Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting me?"
"Who are you, lord?" Saul asked.
And the voice replied, "I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting!
Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do."

And the story goes on to tell of how Saul was blinded and went into the city to be healed by Ananias despite Ananias' fear of Saul. Ananias trusted God even if he questioned him at first. He obeyed. But this blog is not really about that. It is more about each of our own personal Damascus Road moments. We all have one whether it is like lightening with Saul or very quiet. It is a bolt of lightening within our hearts. A door is knocked down forever and we ask Jesus into our hearts. I have been thinking about this a lot lately since some dreams are beginning to be realized. The buddings of the flowers of patience, prayer, perseverance and faith are becoming fruitful. Some friends of mine have put together a band. We call it Breaking Chains. As I read through this section of Acts and how Saul wanted to bring the followers of the Way back in chains I can't help but think of how Jesus broke all those chains by converting Saul. All those followers in Damascus Saul was on his way to chain up, would not have to have those chains on their arms. Instead, Saul would have his own chains broken and become Paul, one of the most amazing followers of the Way, Jesus.

It is through his obedience and teaching God has shared so much with us. I am grateful that God chose Paul. Any other person it may not have touched so many for his conversion was the most dramatic and life changing of all. He struggled with so much of what we even now struggle with and it is through his experiences, his struggling and documenting it and sharing how he dealt with them all that inspires and encourages me.

But again, I am chasing a rabbit. We are putting music to a song that was conceived by the Holy Spirit in my heart almost two years ago. I took it to Laurel a couple of months ago and asked her to put lyrics to it. It is so powerful. It is stories of different people at that last string, that last moment falling to their knees and having their own Damascus Road. The moment they truly believe and turn to Jesus. And as I sat and listened to the rough beginnings of the song with a full band, I couldn't help but feel an ache of amazement and love in my heart. It is a dream come true for me. A desire the Lord placed in so many hearts all in one coming to life!

As I said, we all have our own Damascus Road. Mine was sitting in a pew by myself in the balcony of West Asheville Baptist Church as I watched the Easter program come to life before me. What a powerful thing for me, a buddhist and non christian to see. I'll never forget that night. The night I was born and was no longer a walking dead woman. I came to life. My heart opened up to never fully close up again. All because I finally chose to answer Jesus' knock on the door of my heart.

My particular story begins on a chilly night in March 2008. The fifteenth to be exact. I remember Becky over the past couple months talking about the program and bringing in fliers for it. She put one on our fridge at work and gave me one. I just laid it on my work table and forgot about it. For some reason, I decided after all I would go. I was going to bring two friends. They both canceled on me. I almost used it as an excuse not to go, but there was a pull I could not ignore nor understood at the time on my heart. Now, I know what it was. It was like Jesus had put the biggest, thickest rope on my heart and began to tug. Gently, then with a little more force. I was like a robot as I dressed. I didn't want to go. I didn't like going to things like that on my own. I'll never forget staring at the door knob of my door and saying to myself, "I can just sit on the couch and watch TV." Even as I said it, I watched my hand, it was my hand, but didn't look like my hand turn the doorknob. I stood in the hallway. The same debate going on in my head. Then there was that tug. I nearly ran to my car. I barely remember the drive. I turned into the wrong church and debated turning right and going home, but found myself turning left then into the parking lot of the right church. I parked. I must have gone back to my car three times. As I walked through the huge doors of the big, brick church I was so afraid. The smiling, skinny man at the door really frightened me. I shuffled past him as fast as I could and went to where Becky told me to go. I never got up the whole night and at the end of the night when the preacher did the invitation, I quietly accepted Christ. I felt a chill on my shoulders as the weight of my sins were removed and tossed away. I had never felt so light in my life! Thank you Jesus for drawing me to you! So, that is my Damascus Road.

Healing began that night and let me say, it is not an easy road, but it is a road filled with peace.

What is your Damascus Road?

God bless!

your sister in Christ,
Jennifir Huston

Transformation

Romans 12:1-2

¹Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual^a]">[a] act of worship. ²Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.


The morning was misty. Beautiful. It had rained off and on throughout the night. As I stood outside the cabin by myself and gazed down the hill through the trees, I felt clean. I felt new. Transformed. An old, layer had been removed from me, old skin as from a snake so I can see once again. Snakes are blinded by their old skin. It makes them mean. Not that I was mean per say as my old skin became encumber some, but I didn't realize I was blinded by the person I once was until I stood outside and could see and smell again. I felt brand new. I am still having a hard time grasping the fact that I am not that person I was two years ago while I still walked among the dead. Before God pulled me from the pit of despair that had become my life. (Psalm 40:2) I was such a mess. I may have appeared as if I had it all together, but my skin was so rough, so calloused. My eyes so blinded, my heart so hard that I didn't care anymore. I didn't even know Jesus yet, but it was in the decision to ask Jesus into my heart that the skin of who I was at the time would begin to shed. A painful process. In order for me to become the person God intended me to be, He had to shed the person I was. I had to let Him do it. I fought Him tooth and nail. If I had only not been so stubborn and obeyed and let Him clean me up and remove that skin, maybe I would have found peace sooner.

God knew I would be stubborn. God also knew I would be passionate about Him. God knew when I fell in love with Him, that I would give all that I am to Him. Even as I was not willing, and still am not willing to turn over ALL parts of me to Him, I am. I had to give Him permission to pry those things out of my hands. Use whatever tool He had to prune those branches from me. And there were times, I balled so hard I thought I had no tears left. There were times, I bled and bled. There were times I handed it over to Him no problem. Transformation is a process. No one said it would be a painless process. In fact, I am grateful it is painful at times. It was during those times I learned to lean on God, and God only. They were times that I had to trust Him completely. Wait on Him. Just obey, and believe me, obedience is not always easy. God has asked me to do some things I fought Him on, but when I finally relented, I realized how much better off I was. He does not want to hurt me. He wants to help me. He wants to grow me closer to Him. There are yucky branches, pieces of old skin, old me, old sins, old desires, old ideas that must be shed because they block the way to Him. I ask God to remove those obstacles. And believe me, some of those obstacles are so tempting. Are so pretty. Yet, I realize they shine so much that I am blinded and cannot see Jesus. Jesus is my ultimate goal! I want Jesus!

And it is in the fulfillment of this desire that Jesus has mended this broken heart. He is the ultimate physician. He has made me whole again. So much has happened over the past two years. God completely knocked down the house of who I was. He placed me in a place that I could not call my own for a few months. Even my cats were pruned from me, but they were a part of the old skin. He brought me to a point of bare ground. That was a lonely place for me. I didn't know who I was. I didn't understand. I couldn't see anything. I had to wait. I had to let God take care of everything. I had to trust Him. (Psalm 40:1, Psalm 37:7a, Psalm 46:10) I have to admit, waiting is the hardest part. At least during the the tearing down process I was somewhat involved, even if it were just crying.

And then God began the building process. He set the first stone, Jesus, firmly in place. When I began to really have faith and trust in His plan for me. When I began to really walk so closely to Jesus that all I could see were the back of His feet and trust where His steps took me. And slowly, I felt my confidence begin to build as each block has been added. I am still in the building process in this phase of my growth. Then God performed some miracles. He provided for me so that Rose and I may have a home of our own once again. I walk around our new home, the home God placed us in and realize this home belongs to the new me. The woman God has transformed me into.

I realized as I stood outside that cabin Saturday morning at the women's retreat that not only had I shed my new skin, but I had no clue where it was. Sometime during this part of my journey, I turned away from it, let it go and let God discard it. I prayed thanksgiving and love to my God!

One of the best revelations I received that morning was that I actually really like the person God has transformed me into. And the best part is, He will continue to transform me so as I get to know me, His daughter, the more I am loving me. I have to love me in order to love others. To have a peace deep in my heart. I want to please my Father! I want Him to be proud of His little girl!

Transformation is a beautiful process. A painful process. A birthing process. A fresh, new skin that shines with the love of Jesus. His love seeps from every pore of the new me, the me He has created! I love Jesus so much for all He has done in my life. I want Him to use me.

I know this has been a ramble, but i guess that is what a blog is all about. This is my heart. I love you all.

God bless you and know that Jesus loves you so very much!!

Your sister in Christ,
Jennifr Huston:)

The Forest of my Heart

This actually started out as a personal journal entry, but my heart instructs me to share.

Jesus, this is a lazy day. Forgive my laziness. I am so cold. I have been tired. I need some time alone with you.

Jesus, I read, John 10:10. I believe in you, Jesus. You are my everything. I trust and know you have my best interests at heart. I trust you have a plan. I give you all that I am. I am asking that you smother all other voices so that it is only your voice I hear. I need your guidance. I don't want to take any wrong steps. Psalm 37:23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.

Thank you for delighting in every detail of my life. Thank you. Even I don't delight in every detail of my life. There are some details I am afraid to delight in. Some details I want to shove away. Details I can see if I take the time to look in the mirror. Sins and patterns that need to be forgiven and cleared away, as far as the east is from the west. But how can I ask for forgiveness and help to clean up the mess in my heart if I don't take the time to see what they are? I can't ask for what I don't realize I need. Fear creeps in. I want to think I am good, but I am a sinner. Bottom line. But with one drop of your blood, Jesus, I am not only forgiven but cleansed. White as snow. Wow! Jesus, thank you. Thank you for holding my hand as I walk through the thick forest of my own heart. As I gaze around, I notice fallen branches, tree stumps, trees scratched and split, leaves blanketing the ground and pathways. But I also see beauty, the moss that grows on the rocks in soft, green patches. The patterns on the dried leaves. The age lines in tree stumps. The whirled pattern of Eastern White Pine as I look up at them.

Right now the forest of my heart has been bombarded by man storms, big and small. The wind has blown. The rains have fallen. The lightening has struck. The snow and ice have made my heart feel heavy. Now, in the aftermath after almost two years, Jesus and I walk hand in hand. The leaves crunch beneath my tattered shoes. Tattered from all the running I have done. I am weary. I am tired of trying to run my own life.

I sit on a rock, soft with moss, my hand never leaving the hand of my Lord and savior. I stare lovingly, pleadingly at Him. I relinquish all that I am to Jesus. My heart, my soul, my spirit, my body, my dreams, my hopes, my desires are now in His hand. He can fit all that and so much more in just one hand! Jesus is creator of all! He smiles at me at me as He wraps His hand full of all that is me around my broken heart and I feel the warmth of healing permeate from my very core. My wellspring. Proverbs 4:23. Permeates from the inside of who He made me to be to the outside of who He made me to be.

I hear deep inside my being His voice. Calm and reassuring. Loving. Do not be afraid to dream, my little goose. I am the one who has placed those dreams in your heart. I will provide all you need to see those dreams come to fruition. I know your heart. Trust in me, your rock, your salvation as I clean the mess of your heart. Remember as I have been promising you since the day you chose to belive in me. I have great plans for you. Jeremiah 29:11-14.

I want to weep tears of joy. Each tear I have shed is a tear that waters and fertilizes my growth. A growth that brings me closer to the Son. Where it is warm, where I am held up so I won't fall. Where I am rescued from myself. Yes, Jesus can even save me from me! Luke 1:37

I have been given a dream, a vision. I must trust that God will make it all happen and He has. I have seen it unfold before my very eyes. Little by little, step by step. Guided by Jesus. I am excited and nervous because it is so new. There is a change in the air. The change saturates my entire being. He reminds me of Isaiah 43:19 as He gazes around the cluttered forest of my storm ridden heart. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Shivers go through me as I realize how true this is. How amazing a promise this is. I look around and notice some of the debris has been removed and a small flower of hope begins to peak out at me. It grows close to the ground. It is a crocus. I remember taking the time to look at it as Rose and I walked around the lake almost a month ago and it was blooming. Just now I take the time to look at my heart and the flowering of my own spiritual growth in what appears to be the middle of a winter of my growth. I have come so far with Jesus by my side. I have a new contentedness and excitement bubbling inside me. There are some patterns and ties that when I had finally looked, I asked for help. I find I hardly struggle with certain patterns anymore. Now it is time to discard and heal from other patterns. It is a process.

God has given me some awesome gifts and the ability to meet and love people is one of them. I have made so many friends on this journey and it has only begun. Lots of warriors and lovers of Christ. I cry out with thanksgiving. I am truly blessed! I am excited because I will meet so many more. I am truly excited about my next step and trust I don't have to do any of it alone.

Psalm 16:10 For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your Holy One to rot in the grave.

God has placed a fire in my heart for people to know the joy and love Jesus has blessed me with. I want everyone to know these feelings. This fire! This joy! This love!

God Bless you all and thank you for taking the time to read the ramblings of one sister in Christ!

Jennfiir Huston:)